New Coup? Beaucoup coups.

Rumor has it that Nasser in Bahrain wants badly to play the role of Mohammad bin Salman. He's not corrupt, is he? He wouldn't carry out a coup against his own father and uncles, would he? He wouldn't get help from Khawalid, would he? Who is the Saad Hariri lightning rod?

The Principal

Remember those questions that I asked you at Safriyya several days after Saddam Hussein attacked Iran? I've wondered why you didn't ask me who wanted to know the answers. I never discussed it with anyone else on the island before asking you for the answers. No one. Yet you didn't ask who wanted to know what was going on with your boys at the old airport. You didn't ask who wanted to know about the decision-making. Did you think that I would know enough about what was going on in Bahrain in the fall of 1980 to come up with those questions just days after I arrived there?

It was the principal. Do you recall whom it was that sent me to the principal's office?

Phony coup. It's going to come out, you know.

Abdicate, the Song for your birthday

Abdicate. Abdicate.

Do you want to rule a tinpot state?

What difference did it make in the long run

that we had some fun, that we had some fun?

Treading softly on the tightwire

because your father's the king

because your mother's the queen.

Treading softly on the tightwire.

Oh, abdicate! Abdicate.

Do you want to rule a tinpot state?

What difference did it make in the long run

that we had some fun, that we had some fun?

But if you ever want to see me,

try to reach me on the telephone

If you can't find me here

Think how we parted

And consider my advice your souvenir.

Treading softly on the tightwire

Gonna be a revolution.

Suspended Constitution.

You better find yourself a new place in the sun.

Oh, abdicate! Abdicate!

Get out now before it's too late!

Before they chase you out at the point of a gun

you'd better find yourself a new place in the sun.

Abdicate. Abdicate. (Pleading vocal end.)

Copyright 1986 Vandenburg, Melody and Lyrics

This arrangement and performance is by me.

All Rights Reserved

Sorry I had to sing it on my untuned piano this morning and using the camera in the hallway from where I was, but the point was the same as other years and now comes with emphasis. As you can see, I wrote it a long time ago. You really do need to abdicate. Happy Birthday.

Sorry for Trump's Foul, Foul Mouth

Do you remember the official dinner held for the graduates of the U.S. Command and General Staff School at Leavenworth? There was a loud-mouthed woman at our table who repeatedly used vulgar language. You said that you didn't know if you should apologize to me or if I should apologize to you. Now we've got a president who whines and harumphs on Twitter and uses such foul language that I feel the urge to apologize for it. Sorry. 

I understand that you and the other Gulfie dictators like him. Watch out. He's a dumb fuck with tiny hands, but he's got a big dagger.

Think Tanks, Two Places

I'd like to set up a think tank in the Emerald City. You might find it in your interest to fund it. What do you think about that?

Command and General Staff College

College. Kickapoo. Salmon patties. Files. Photos. Golf and trip to the Ozarks with Farouk. Dinner with Paul.

Starting to ring a little bell?

At The Boltons

My guess is that you didn't know I'd been to your late and blessed mother's house in The Boltons. You know, the one next door to the late Saudi King Fahd's. The gigantic chandelier in the living room was beautiful, but, of course, ostentatious, as it belonged more suitably in a hotel or theatre lobby. (That's the problem with choosing interior designers who look only to the size of the budget rather than taste.)

Danny took me there the first time. I went with my daughter the second time. I wonder if the security video was kept. What do you think?