Nothing Is Ever Finished

 I was 17 and you were 16 when we were first in 1966 London together at the Dorchester Hotel after we left Bahrain in September on separate planes, both of us returning to school. I went back to Washington for a few months and then, a few days after my 18th birthday in Seattle,  you cabled me that a ticket for my return to London had been arranged.

I was tonight watching a movie about a writer named Colette, thinking about my early writing, about the gold dress I'd brought from Beirut and wore one evening when you and I and Danny O'Leary and your cousins went to Annabel's for dinner and disco dancing.

I was upset about Christine, a blonde German floozy who sat at our table and made googly eyes at you as we ate avocado pears with a piquant dressing. Later you danced with her on the tiny tiled floor and told me that it was a social necessity. 

Now I'm thinking again and this came to me while I washed my hands in the kitchen:

        You were fucking her when I was away.

         Of course you were, clear as night and day.

         I was 18 and unaware.

          She was in her 30s and couldn't care

          That you were a child

           Running amok, thinking you were wild.

           

Then there would be a war

            And Uncle, Shaikh Khalifa showed me the door.

           

Honestly, I need to find my diaries from those early days and link them to the wars which always happened in the years between our visits. We need to get together again to stop the wars. It's a bit Vonnegut. When will we next meet?

            

#Bahrain #HamadBinIsaAlKhalifa #CrownPrinceHamad #Annabels #DannyOLeary #TheDorchester #London #Seattle #ShaikhKhalifaBinSalmanAlKhalifa #LongestServingUnelectedPrimeMinister

         

     

Worthless Men

Sometimes women love worthless men. Men who lie to them. Men who break promises to them. Men who put them in mortal danger, like you did to me. Men who don't have the fortitude to make things right.

Shaikh Khalifa put my life in danger, in grave danger, sending a goon to bribe the guard at Rainbow Flats, a goon who tried to break into the apartment Major Johnson had told me to rent, not telling me that most of those apartments were rented to whores.

Ali's father, the aging Salim with pearls and wisdom, with whom I sat in the court complex many days listening to history and stories related to my doctoral thesis, listened as I told him about that goon, what the goon had said to me as he tried to break down the apartment door, how frightened I was that your private secretary had suggested I stay in a place of such ill repute and danger. 

Ali's father, an important man during Belgrave's years, not only listened to my fears, but having his own daughters, knowing how vulnerable I was, he cared enough about my well-being to take action, to try and protect me from the Al Khalifas. He asked Ali to help me get out of Rainbow Flats into safety in an empty apartment across from Ali's. It was natural to take comfort in safety and to trust.

Salim was not a worthless man. He saw a young woman working on a worthy goal, a scholar, being harassed by a man who'd twice run her out of London. Do you remember when Shaikh Khalifa did that? Twice. Does it surprise you to know that he'd put me in danger in order to get me off the island and away from you one more time?

Khalid said to me in my last moments leaving your old office at the BDF, walking through his office to return to Adliya and get out of Bahrain before Ali found out that I'd named him as the father of my unborn child, when I didn't even know if it was true but needed to escape from both of you, "It's fine if you want to blame me for Hamad's decisions to end support for your studies at SOAS, and for anything else that you think I did rather than he did."

So I blamed Shaikh Khalifa because of my history with him. I always wanted to find you blameless, but now, knowing how little you care for the lives of others, I've begun to wonder if it was you who sent the goon to Rainbow Flats. After all, it was your private secretary who sent me there, wasn't it?

Worthless men. They may have power, fame, worldly unearned wealth, but they're worthless when one gets to the heart of them.

#Bahrain #ShaikhKhalifaBinSalmanAlKhalifa, #PrimeMinisterShaikhKhalifa #HamadBinIsaAlKhalifa #KingHamad #SOAS #BDF #Manama #Adliya #AliBinSalimAlArrayed #AttorneyAliSalimAlArrayed #MrSalimAlArrayedRIP #RainbowFlats #London #KhalidBinAhmadAlKhalifa #ChiefOfProtocol #MajorJohnson